My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
