I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
