piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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