fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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