She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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