Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
