So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
