First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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