I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
