did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
