totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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