i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We named our party play list daddy issues
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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