some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize