I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
