i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
