My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The air was thick with penises
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
