just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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