dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
