I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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