im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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