"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
