There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
