a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
