Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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