I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I am available for nakedness
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
