Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
