dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He felt like a one man threesome
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
