I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He felt like a one man threesome
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
