Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize