I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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