my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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