I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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