I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
