I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
