It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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