Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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