DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
