Soap is not a condiment
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
