Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
