My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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