dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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