I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
