Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
