So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
