I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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