this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
