Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
