I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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