thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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