My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize