I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
