It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just sent this text using only my big toe
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
