This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
