help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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