My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize