thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I didn't notice because vodka
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
