Are we in a gay sports bar?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize