I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
