So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
