Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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