WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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