I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just pee around me
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
