Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
