He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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