i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
