i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
