I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
