The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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