i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
