He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
