but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I have aggressive nipples.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
